Can you even believe today is December 31? It’s insane. 2021 is done. And a part of me is SO thankful for that. But there’s another part of me that is extremely grateful for everything that this year brought. Many years have felt like a rollercoaster, but this one takes the cake. It simultaneously feels like it went by super slow while flying by at the same time. What I do know is that although 2021 is done, it taught me some incredibly valuable lessons in its 365 days. From learning just how strong and resilient I am, to understanding the true value of friendship, to how important asking for and accepting help is…every trial AND every blessing had a purpose.
January
The month it all began. And by it I mean the official start of our IVF journey. January was filled with various monitoring appointments, blood draws and the greenlight to begin birth control. Also, I think it was truly a month of optimism and hope. Despite frigid temps + snow, Kyle and I finally felt like we may actually had a chance to become parents. And were excited for what was to come. Travel was minimal, but I did get to see one of Palmer’s hockey games for the first time. MAJOR highlight. My favorite purchase of the month was definitely THIS Nirvana sweatshirt because to this day it gets worn at least once per week.
February
Stim shots & my egg retrieval. More hope! After a rough go with the shots and feeling pretty crappy, I woke up from anesthesia to find out they have retrieved 17 eggs. A few days later we learned 10 had made it to blastocyst stage. That meant there were 10 potential babies waiting for us! I cried, Kyle may as well have. We rode a major high to finish out the month. No trips, but we celebrate Kyle’s 32nd birthday with close friends and I visited the acupuncturist a LOT. More now, more cold & the beginning of our ‘mom mobile’ began. Best purchase was THIS Adult Coloring Book since there were lots of bedrest days.
March
With lots of hope, we prepared for our first frozen embryo transfer (FET) attempt. I waited to get my period and in the meantime was able to make a trip back to Ames with my MIL + SIL for a fun girl’s day full of drinks at my favorite old stomping grounds! Had a few fun & new brand collabs and ran as many miles as possible before having to rest for the transfer. The highs of hope were then crushed by the news the FET failed. A big old NOT pregnant. Favorite buy was THIS stretching strap because my body was in major need of all the recovery.
April
The month started on a high note – zoo trip with my mom, sisters & the littles followed by Easter with Kyle’s family. Then here we go again for baby! Or so we thought…this month’s FET took a turn. In a way we could’ve never imagined. And in a way that to THIS DAY we still don’t understand. No one, not even the 3 IVF doctors in our clinic, know why we got an initially positive pregnancy test with insanely high numbers only to see them drop. Heartbroken doesn’t even begin to describe the month of April. And I thought I was broken myself. The pain and sadness and confusion was almost too much to handle. I was lost and barely hanging on. No ‘favorite’ purchases because I hardly wanted to get out of bed.
May
The wait and recovery began. There was nothing anyone could do to get my HCG levels to 0 out so I was in limbo. Our desire to become parents seemed to be put on hold, yet again. I threw myself into intense workouts, Kyle into outdoor projects. We built an awesome garden, completed some needed landscaping and started weekly date days. A trip to Des Moines towards the end of May to see some of our best friends was MUCH needed and a great way to refocus. Best purchase was THESE slide sandals that were worn basically every warm day all summer.
June
We celebrated 9 years of marriage and reflected on how blessed we have been the last 9 years. Although we expected little ones to be in the picture by now, we know we have a great life and remembered all we had to be thankful for. A trip with Kyle’s family for a long weekend in Okoboji was full of sun, drinks & relaxation. All things the doctor ordered! By mid-month my HCG levels had finally zeroed out and I began new testing and blood draws to see what was going on inside my body at this point. Long runs helped keep my headspace above water and daily doses of the hot sun were welcomed. Most loved purchase – THIS $32 Amazon bikini that y’all loved too!
July
Kicked off the month celebrating the 4th with close friends then headed to Texas to spend a week at my parents’. We also got to celebrate Smith’s 1st birthday! The time away from home was beyond needed and recharged us both. After more appointments and an ‘all clear,’ we got the OK to start meds/shots again towards the end of the month. It was such a relief to finally have a plan in place, but also still frustrating for zero answers on what happened in April. Looking back, July was probably our most carefree, laid-back one of 2021. Something I feel like we both deserved after the first 6 months were such chaos. It felt like we were turning a corner… July meant Nordstrom Sale time, so my favorite buy was definitely THIS splurge-worthy leather jacket I was saving for!
August
The start of our new beginning…although we didn’t know it at the time. We celebrated both Georgia & Braxton’s 1st birthdays, grieved the 1 year anniversary of Papa’s passing and prepped for our 3rd FET attempt. All in the first 15 days of August. Then we waited. If time wasn’t constant, I would swear to you that the days were 10x as long this month. In an effort to change things up, I cheated & took an at-home pregnancy test the morning before our BETA draw at the IVF clinic. It was positive. I bawled. We were so hopeful, but cautiously optimistic. Then the BETA came back positive, and 48 hours later it doubled. Our first ultrasound was then scheduled for September 2 and we held our breath. Favorite purchase(s) were the 10 pregnancy tests I bought to confirm as each day went on…
September
The coolest month of our lives, to that point…we saw our BABIES on an ultrasound screen. THREE TIMES to be exact. The first confirmed two embryos were snuggling in. At the second appointment, we got to see 2 heart beats. And at the third appt. on September 30 – we got to HEAR them both. It was surreal. And Kyle got to be there for every moment, something that he was unable to do in the Spring. We snuck up to northern Minnesota with our crew and I hid the fact we were ~5 weeks pregnant. But the trip was just the distraction we needed because September felt like the longest month of our lives. Graduating from the IVF clinic on the last day of the month was icing on the cake. Best purchase: a new pair of black Align leggings because I’d be living in them from here on out.
October
Another month of holding our breath. Not that you’re out of the clear after the 1st trimester, but it sure feels like a milestone to hit. And we’d never experienced that. So we counted down the days until week 14 started. We took secret announcement photos and told a few close friends and family members that we were pregnant. Although we left the twins part out. The all-day nausea and fatigue was in full-force so October forced me to slow down and lay low. Not great when the month was already dragging on. By far my favorite buy was THIS MAXI DRESS that I wore for our photos…it’ll be one I never get rid of.
November
The month the world found out about the success of FET #3. And finally into the 2nd trimester! Kyle and I finally came to terms with the fact that this pregnancy may stick and we may actually become parents in the near future. It only makes sense that it was Thanksgiving month because we felt so thankful for so many reasons. We spent the week of Thanksgiving in Texas with my parents and Janae, and even went and looked at some baby gear. Again, SO surreal. So much love was already being felt for Baby A and Baby B, and day by day it seems like our excitement and hope rose. Favorite purchase was also my very first baby purchase: THESE Snuggle Me loungers.
December
To the end! The month where 2021 is done. The babies’ anatomy scan at 20+5 went glowingly and we got to see their sweet faces again. Baby kicks are now regular and often, and Kyle has gotten to feel (and SEE) them too. Christmas with both sides of our families felt too short and were plagued by sickness, but nonetheless the time spent together was much needed. My workouts have scaled back immensely but I’m moving my body daily because I want to show the twins that they have a strong mama. Our house is becoming cluttered with baby items and stuff for finishing the basement, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
2021 is done…
This year has been a lot. Full of so many experiences and emotions. It’s almost like the first half and the second half don’t even belong on the same calendar. But I wouldn’t change anything that happened. Because it lead us to where we are right now on Friday, December 31, 2021. I learned that God may give us things that we cannot handle, but he never gives us things that HE cannot handle. His timing will always be right and His plans will always trump anything we imagined.
So now it’s time to rest, reset and recharge because I have a feeling 2022 is going to be a BIG year in the Kruse house. We are full of hope and anticipation for what’s to come! Thank you to each and every one of you who has supported me in this blog/on Instagram, who has prayed for Kyle and I’s journey and who continues to pray for these babies that are growing by the day. We love you all!
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