Prepare for a LONG post. Uncensored: Infertility Q&A isn’t going to be a quick read. It is my hopes that with this post, questions that you may have will be answered. That if you are 1 in 8 struggling with infertility but don’t know what you don’t know, you can feel a little more certainty in your journey. I am by no means an expert, nor am I a doctor. However, I am in the thick of IVF and feel like me being open could maybe help someone. I have learned, over the last 6+ years, more than I ever cared to know about the female reproductive system. About hormone levels, pregnancy statistics, medications and more. That phrase ‘the more you know‘ being a good thing shouldn’t have to apply here. But for me it does. And I’m guessing if you’re reading this it might unfortunately apply to you too.

Back in August of 2016 I shared somewhat of an update on what was going on. I then started hesitantly sharing bits and pieces along the way. For a while it was too hard to do, honestly. I didn’t want to accept what I was going through. The obstacles that we were dealing with. But once I fully opened up and was completely transparent, the support became overwhelming in the best way.

Uncensored: Infertility Q&A – Our Journey

When did you start trying?

We officially pulled the goalie while on vacation in Cancun in January 2015. By goalie I mean condoms. I had never been on any form of birth control prior to starting IVF.

When/why did you seek out help?

I mentioned us ‘trying’ but it hadn’t happened yet at my annual female exam was in May of 2015. Oooooh naïve me at the time! I had a weird feeling even then. No reason at all, I just did. My exam was with a midwife because that’s what I wanted during pregnancy so it made sense to get familiar with one then. Ironically she had spent time in the fertility realm and told me ‘if you’re not pregnant by November, call me.’ I called her in November and she referred me to Heartland Reproductive in Omaha. Early December 2015 we had our first consult.

Have you ever been pregnant? Miscarriages?

I have had 1 natural, un-medicated pregnancy. We got pregnant on our own, after having taken a 6 month break from fertility treatments, in August 2017. At our first ultrasound on 9/29/17 there was no heartbeat. I chose to miscarry naturally and it wasn’t until January 2018 that my levels finally normalized.

What did you do prior to IVF?

I started out with 2 months of Clomid only (side note: Clomid did absolutely nothing for me, it was like I wasn’t even on a medication based on what my hormone levels looked like). We then switched to Femara after Clomid was not working. I did Femara only for 2 months. Then I did Femara + Follistim shots for 1 month. That was followed by Femara + Follistim + a Trigger shot w/ timed intercourse for 1 month. After that, in November of 2016 we did out first (and only) IUI.

What was your timeline like?

See above. After our IUI failed (and likely shouldn’t have even been preformed, which is an entirely different discussion), I needed a break. My body was miserable. Emotionally I was even worse off. That break was from December 2016 – finding out I was pregnant on my own in August 2017. We were thrilled. Until we weren’t. When my levels evened out in January 2018, we got the go-ahead to try again. So many people said after a miscarriage your body tends to ‘reset’ itself. We expected that to be the case. But it wasn’t. Never again have I seen a positive pregnancy test. Not once have we used protection, and BELIEVE ME I have tracked every cycle. I know every sign of ovulation. Pregnancy just wasn’t happening.

I was very hesitant to do IVF. After knowing what the previous treatments did to me physically and mentally, I wasn’t sure I was capable of handling something 100x more intense. The pandemic through a wrench in our 2020 ‘plans’ — but really I think it was God laughing about what we thought we were going to do. A friend knew my story and suggested I just give her friend (our now doctor, Dr. Oakes) a call to set up a consult. Just to chat. That was November 2020. And this is where we are today…

What is ‘wrong’ with you/Kyle? Have you been diagnosed with anything to cause infertility?

Nothing. Well, besides clearly not being able to get pregnant on our own, nothing. 🙂 We were diagnosed back in 2015/2016 with ‘unexplained infertility.’ About 20% of couples experiencing infertility will end up with the unexplained diagnosis like we did. Kyle and I, on paper, are the ideal combination: healthy, in shape, no underlying issues, fall into ‘normal’ ranges in blood work, etc.

My current doctor, who I ADORE, said there were 3 potential issues that prior testing wouldn’t show and only the IVF process could bring to light: low egg quantity, poor egg quality or a fertilization problem. Based on the apparent success of our egg retrieval, it doesn’t look like any of those 3 effect us. However, without going into too much detail, I did discover that my Estrogen does not surge like it should during ovulation and I’m self-assessing that on my own, my body is not capable of producing a viable, mature egg unassisted.

Would you recommend your doctor, clinic, etc.?

This one? Absolutely. The previous one? I’d likely say no. Personal reasons on the no. We are SO HAPPY where we are currently at, though. Our doctor is so kind and she explains things in ways that I actually kind of understand. She is super personable and genuinely seems to care about me. The entire staff is amazing. Highly recommend the clinic if you’re in the area and looking to have a consult.

Has anyone else in your family experienced infertility? Is it hereditary?

No, it is not hereditary. We both have second degree relations that were unable to have children, but immediately family has had no issues. My mom did have a miscarriage between my 2 youngest sisters, but Kyle’s mom, both my sisters + Kyle’s sister have each had healthy/natural pregnancies.

How much weight did you gain?

In total, 9lbs. I started day 1 of birth control at 123.8lbs. 24 hours post-egg retrieval I hit my highest weight: 132.8lbs. It’s been 10 days since the procedure and this morning I was 126.6. My eating habits haven’t changed whatsoever, so the weight is definitely all from the hormone changes, injections, surgery, etc. I currently still have a noticeable ‘bulge’ in my lower abdomen, but whatever. I went through A LOT and if this is all that’s left now, I can live with it.

Want to hear a fun number? A typical female’s Estradiol (estrogen) level is ~400 at the time of ovulation. My Estradiol number on Trigger Day was just over 4,600. More than TEN TIMES normal. An average ovary is about the size of a walnut. They were growing mine to the size of grapefruits. So why I was shocked when I looked at my stomach in the mirror, I have no idea LOLZZZ.

What has been the hardest part of all of this for you?

Having zero control over my own body. Knowing that we will have no surprises. Not getting to feel excited about a positive pregnancy test that we created on our own. Instead I’ll be waiting a grueling 2 weeks to test for that positive pregnancy test. I’m a control freak and I’ve had 0 control over this. It’s also been heartbreaking month after month, for YEARS, having my period showing up and feeling like I’m disappointing Kyle yet again…

Uncensored: Infertility Q&A – The Basics

What did your first appointment entail?

We have actually had 4 different ‘initial consults’ with 4 different clinics. I mentioned our first clinic & our currently, but we also spoke to facilities in Denver (CCRM – highly recommend) and one out of New York. They were all nearly identical. We shared our individual health histories, how long we’d been trying, what we’d done up until this point, etc. Consults are all very high-level. They want to understand your background, and as a patient it’s for you to see if you feel comfortable with them. Biggest tip? DO YOUR RESEARCH. No clinic or doctor is exactly the same. Fit is KEY.

Difference between IUI & IVF? Why would you do 1 vs. the other?

Here is what a light Google search says: The key difference between IUI and IVF is that in IUI, fertilization takes place internally. That is, the sperm is injected directly into the woman’s uterus. So, if fertilization is successful, the embryo implants there as well. With IVF, fertilization takes place externally, or outside of the uterus, in a lab. Some of the biggest differences, in my opinion: insane cost difference ($3,500 vs. $20k+), medication + shot differences and an IUI is significantly less invasive. Also, to note…the success rate for an IUI is 13% vs. 54% for IVF for women under 35 years old.

We did 1 IUI that failed. Just based purely on success rates, IVF was a no brainer personally. To us, any more IUIs would’ve been wasted money when it’s likely we would end up at IVF anyway. This way we weren’t out $3,500ish x however many more IUI attempts.

What happens to embryos that you don’t end up using?

That depends on each person/couple. Basically there are 3 options with frozen embryos: use them all, donate unused ones to someone else/for scientific research or destroy them. I’ll be straight up with y’all and say that for personal/moral/religious reasons, Kyle and I will absolutely not be destroying any of our 10.

How long can you freeze embryos for? What does that look like?

For forever. I literally don’t believe there is a timeline on how long you can. Our facility keeps our frozen embryos on site for 1 year and then after that they’re sent to a storage facility out of state. It will cost us roughly $1000/year to keep our embryos frozen at that off-site location, but there is no charge for them to send us them when we’re ready to use.

3 things you wish you knew prior to starting everything?

1. 1. 1. That I would need to ASK for help. It was crazy just how important a strong circle of support meant. I knew I’d need help but I didn’t realize to what extent. People checking in on me was so needed. The prayers really did help. But because people are hesitant to upset someone going through this, etc. I had to directly TELL people what I needed. Pretty difficult for an independent person. Very humbling too.
      2. How seeing my body change would mess with my head. It’s no secret working out is a passion of mine. Not being able to exercise to my usual extent + the weight gain was hard to come to terms with. I worked hard to get into the shape I’m in. Seeing that somewhat unfold literally in front of my eyes, in a matter of a few short weeks, was difficult. Shallow? Maybe so. But it doesn’t negate the bad mental affect it had on me.
      3. Hormones are no joke. I’ve been lucky to have had mild periods. Some months I have a slight headache and that’s literally the only sign my period is coming. Cramps are limited to a few hours for me. Rarely would I have any bloating or sore boobs. Well lets just say I was in for a rude awakening. A heating pad became my BEST FRIEND.

Do the shots hurt?

I mean they don’t feel good! 🙂 Prior to our infertility struggles, I was scared of needles. Now I’m like whatever. So if I can get over my phobia AND administer most of the shots myself, anyone can handle it. I’ll rank the pain of each shot I took on a 1-10 scale for you to get a better idea… I’d give Follistim (the small, adjustable pen shot) a 2/10. The Ganirelix (bigger needle I did 5x) I’d say 6/10 for pain on the stab and 7/10 for the burning sensation the liquid gave me. Honestly, the trigger shot Kyle gave me was maybe a 4.5/10. I think not seeing that one made a HUGE difference.

What does your husband have to do for all of this/during this process?

Kyle chills. He hangs out. Drink beer. He goes hunting. But seriously, it kind of feels/felt like that. At the beginning, he had to do a blood draw which looked at some basic levels for him. He also had to do genetic testing (via another blood draw). Besides that, he had to an initial semen analysis + another on the same day I did my retrieval. So two little escapades in a sterile room. That is all. Not saying that to make him, or any male in this situation feel bad. Just being truthful. I know lots of men give their wives, etc. the shots but Kyle just did my trigger. He will do my PIO (progesterone-in-oil) ones as well.

On that note, Kyle did actually do a lot. He was helping keep the house clean, vacuuming spaces I couldn’t comfortably do, did just about all of the dishes, took the dogs out. Kyle did EVERYTHING around the weekend after my retrieval. He also drove me to a lot of my appointments, just sitting in the car waiting because they wouldn’t allow him in. Kyle went through nothing physically but emotionally he was INCREDIBLY supportive.

What is the best way to support someone struggling with infertility or starting IVF?

I love that this question was asked. It says a LOT about someone’s heart 🙂 I would say invest in them fully. Consistency is key. Ask questions. Not just about how things are going but about how they are DOING. Send them a text letting them know you’re thinking of them. Don’t always expect a response. I personally found everyone’s check-in texts so sweet, but there were times I was just exhausted and didn’t respond right away. Don’t be offended if the friendship/relationship feels more one-sided, like you’re pulling a lot of the weight. It’s 100% going to be the case. But it means everything to know someone has your back and doesn’t make you feel guilty for probably being a sucky friend back.

Flowers and sweets are great, but know those are the first items people send. Getting creative if you’re sending a care package is awesome: coloring books, books to read, crossword puzzles, coffee gift cards, pre-packaged things that won’t go bad quickly are all great ideas. My last suggestion: remember dates. I would cry, no joke, every time someone text me on an important day because they remembered the date.

Uncensored: Infertility Q&A – The Investment

Does you or your husband’s insurance cover IVF or anything you’ve done?

Our (Kyle’s) insurance stopped covering at diagnosis. So basically since Day 1 we have 0 assistance. His insurance covered a portion of our genetic testing, some percentages of our blood work, some testing and half of our initial consult. According to our health insurance/his company’s policy infertility treatments are ‘elective’ and therefore we are offered no coverage for said ‘elective’ treatments. Needless to say, I’m sure you can imagine the choice words I have said in regards to that… 😉

How much does IVF cost?

A lot. It costs a shit ton of money. And it’s not guaranteed. Right now, we have paid (all out-of-pocket) $14,968.17 since November 2020. If you’re interested in the breakdown it has looked like this: shots were $2,843.17 for 12 days. $590 for genetic testing for Kyle and I. $1,835 ultrasound + blood draw days (5 appts at $367 each from Day 1 of Birth Control through Trigger Day). $1,000 in additional blood work, labs & baseline ultrasound. $250 initial consult fee. $8,700 for retrieval.

There will be at least a few more ultrasound + blood draw appointments & additional medications leading up to the transfer, as well as the cost of the transfer itself. Roughly, that looks like another $4,500. If we’re successful on a first transfer, we will be all-in at $19,269. Each clinic’s pricing is a bit different, every state as well. I suggest assuming $20k minimum because of the 20+ girls I’ve spoken to, my shots cost the least by a fair amount.

How much did you spend prior to starting IVF?

Without digging up all of our old receipts, I’d estimate over the course of our struggles (prior to November 2020) we spent around $15,000. That includes all the medications I was on, various labs & ultrasounds, the IUI and follow-ups. The number is higher if you include everything related to my pregnancy + miscarriage, though probably 90% of that was covered by insurance.

How are you paying for IVF/anything you’ve done prior to this? Like a second mortgage, new cc, loan, borrowing from family, etc.?

Out of our pocket. From our paychecks, from savings. Some visits or bills we put on our credit card to buy us a few extra weeks of income to pay it off at the end of the month. We have not taken out a second mortgage, opened up any additional credit cards or personal lines of credit nor borrowed from anyone. Our savings has been, and continues to be depleted in order to pay for this. Our facility requires payment on the day-of each service, so that means last Friday we paid $8,700 before they took me to my hospital room.

Papa knew about our struggles. He was really upset that other people were getting pregnant but not us. In true Papa fashion, he wanted to help. I knew he was frustrated about our struggles but I didn’t know about the wanting to help part. He paid for our shots. All but the 2 extra Ganirelix I ended up needing. I immediately lost it when we received the money. Kyle and I both were in shock. I share this for two reasons. To show y’all once more what a self-less man he was. I also want to be fully transparent. We will always be grateful for that help.

Tips for saving money if you have to pay out-of-pocket?

Ok I’m the last person you want to take advice from on saving money. I suck at it. Like I’m the worst. But Kyle is an Accounting & Finance double-major and seems to creepily enjoy budgets. He manages our finances and I stay out of it. He tells me what he’s paying & when but that’s as much as I care to be involved. Here are 3 things we did though that made a dramatic difference in being able to pay as we go:

• • Pay off various loans – we have no vehicle payment, only a very small amount left on Kyle’s student loan and a mortgage. Paying off my car, Kyle’s truck and my student loans cleared up nearly $1,000/month in spending.
  • Cut ‘extras’ where you can – we ditched DirecTV for YouTube TV, Kyle switched his cell phone plan from us to work, we limit eating out to 1-2x/week max, we’ve cut back on travel, etc. Any little amount helps! Do you really need an unlimited cell plan? Can you split Netflix with someone? And I almost always skip the expensive alcoholic drinks w/ dinner!
  • Additional source(s) of income – the small commissions I make from Instagram links and collaborations have been the biggest blessing. Can you sell things on Poshmark? Could you take an extra shift at work? Is affiliate marketing an option? Save that income, don’t spend it on more clothes like I sometimes do 🙁

Is it worth the cost?

Hell yes. We want a baby. Babies. And we don’t want money to get in the way of that dream. So yes, it is worth the investment. It’s worth trying.

I just threw A TON at you. Uncensored: Infertility Q&A was meant to do just that though. Answer questions that most people don’t talk about. Be raw and open with a subject, and about topics, that aren’t spoken about enough. I’ll continue to build on this as more questions come in, so be sure to bookmark this post if you’d like to reference back to it easily! I truly hope this provides you a bit of peace or at least clarity if you’re in the midst of things. Infertility warriors are STRONG. We are resilient. We have no other choice. Make it this far? I’d so appreciate a quick comment below! I want to see if the 6+ hours on this was worth it for you 🙂

· XOX, Kristin ·