Progress over perfection is a hard concept for me to wrap my head around.

It’s not one of my better traits but I have to admit that I’m a perfectionist. I want to be good at everything I do. Sometimes being good isn’t enough, I want to be able to do certain things perfectly. While it’s obviously fine to want to do things well, it’s a lot less fine to become obsessive. Another struggle of mine: being borderline OCD. Routines are my jam. When I find something I like, I’m all in. Hence the running addiction that came out of nowhere 5 years ago and hasn’t gone away.

My own view of my body has never been very nice. Total transparency, I think out of 365 days in a year I may like how I look in the mirror 5 of them. Maybe today I think my stomach is too fat. Tomorrow it might be that my chest is too small. The next it might be my thighs that annoy me. Typing those things makes me wonder why these crazy thoughts go through my head. I wish I had an answer. I mean for the love, I’m just under 5’5″ and have been between 122-127lbs the last few years. {Not that weight should be anyone’s main focus! Just pointing out that my ‘societal standards’ my body is ‘normal.’ Whatever the hell that really means} Exercise is obviously great for the physical body but I’m willing to bet that it’s value to my mental state has been equally, if not more, important. It’s been an escape, a safe haven and a way for me to tune out the noise of the world for a quick hour or so each day. It’s also done the expected…made me both stronger and faster while increasing my stamina.

A shift in focus.

Instead of looking at my workouts as a punishment, I have shifted my mindset to view them as an opportunity and a privilege. Not everyone has the ability to get up and move on a daily basis. Because I do, I sure as shit better take advantage of being able to as often as possible. The ‘run 5 miles on Monday in an attempt to burn off the crap you ate this weekend’ mentality is no longer. Replacing it is ‘run as far/fast as you want to today because you love it.’ What use to be crunches, bicycles and planks for a 6-pack has now become mindful core work to strength my abs, but more importantly to stabilize the constant back pain I have dealt with since I was in high school.

These revelations, or whatever you want to call them, didn’t come without a massive amount of effort. I didn’t just wake up one day and say ‘body, I no longer hate you.’ It took questioning myself on what truly is important {being kind, living life to the fullest…} and not strictly just focusing on my outward appearance. Oh but don’t you worry, the struggle is still real. I still, almost daily, have an array of negative thoughts about my body. Rather than let them continue to spiral, I now at least try to consciously counteract them with the positive things. Like thinking about what I’ve accomplished and the progress I’ve made both inside AND outside.

Finding what works for me.

It’s ironic because what use to work for me no longer does. Heck, maybe what is currently working for me might need changed up again in the future. Regardless, that is just fine. Knowing what you need at any given moment feels like half the battle. Right now I know what I need and it’s been awesome for me. I found someone who not only understands my physical goals but also has the innate ability to push me when appropriate and encourage when necessary. If you need a trainer, I’ve got one for you. He’s based in Omaha but writes virtual programs as well! I could brag on him all day but that’s not exactly the direction this post was headed. 🙂

The past 5 weeks I did an individualized workout plan that was created just for me and I’ve seen more progress in that amount of time than I have with anything else. Yesterday I started ‘Round 2’ and I’m weirdly excited for the heavier weights and additional reps that I’ve got coming for me. By going the personal trainer route, I’m able to workout at home, on my own time. Both of which are super important to me. Right now I tell myself I want to be strong over skinny. I’d rather be a happy person than have washboard abs…well I still kind of want those. My mantra for my body has been simple: progress over perfection. I’m hoping that by sticking with that, one day I may be able to say I’m truly happy with this body.